Filed under: life...
The last post was a little bit of a downer, written for the sole purpose of releasing frustration on a situation that is now (thankfully) waning. Now that that’s out, I decided that I should focus on something way more fun– gratitude.
10 things I love:
- Dreaming
- My sous chef /best friend
- Sunsets and sunrises
- Creativity
- The gospel
- Making dinner
- My family
- Rubi… my best non-human friend
- Smiling
- Looking at the stars
These are some of the things that make me very happy. I am so grateful to have these people, things, and abilities. This is what makes life sweet.
But, I really need to go to bed. I am sleepy, and life and adventures go on, even for tired people.
Life is rad, that’s all there is to it. If the whole apartment werent asleep, I’d shout for joy.
[RACHEL]
I’ve never been able to forget this story, ever since I read it as a sophomore in high school:
it was very early in the morning, the streets clean and deserted, I was on my way to the railroad station. As I compared the tower clock with my watch I realized it was already much later than I had thought, I had to hurry, the shock of this discovery made me feel uncertain of the way, I was not very well acquainted with the town yet, fortunately there was a policeman nearby, I ran to him and breathlessly asked him the way. He smiled and said: ‘from me you want to learn the way?’ ‘Yes,’ I said, ’since I cannot find it myself.’ ‘Give it up, give it up,’ said he, and turned away with a great sweep, like someone who wants to be alone with his laughter.
-Franz Kafka, ‘Give it up’
Give it up. Sometimes things happen in front of you, things you’d rather not see or hear. Things you can’t really pretend aren’t important or didn’t happen because you care too much. This is the worst way to be a spectator, because you know what is right and it just doesn’t match up. Addressing the situation might be comparable to sticking your head into a guillotine. Further ignoring will sever the last thread of neck flesh for someone else. What to do? Life is amazing, the streets are clear and clean, except for one foul pile of rotting weeks-old trash. Someone’s got to take it out… and taking out the trash is not something I often do… it makes me dry heave.
Give it up and let the vultures and dogs revel in filth?
The light inside tells me I can’t watch from the sides anymore. I cannot give the officer the quiet satisfaction he’s been thriving on for so long. If I lose my head, so be it.
[RACHEL]
Filed under: life... | Tags: bright eyes, cheesecake, feet, love, math, valentines
It’s been a while since I wrote something “real” on my blog. It’s been nagging at me for a while… and the truth is, I’ve been having a hard time finding the words for what life is at this moment. I’ve tried many times, and at the end I’m just lost in thought. I have 3 drafts just kind of sitting there, and nothing to post about the sublime tangle of feelings inside of me. And now, here I am taking a stab at expressing the real deal with Rachel.
Life has brought me a happiness that takes on a deliciously unfamiliar flavor. I could sit here and name off songs that would do more justice to emotion than my words… but I’ll keep that to a minimum. To quote Conor Oberst (Bright Eyes, ‘First Day of My Life’), “this is the first day of my life, I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you.” This song captures love’s sweetest. Love’s sweetest. That’s my flavor. It’s difficult to describe… it’s like expecting a concrete answer to “what is blue” or “what does salty taste like?” The answer is I don’t know, but I am experiencing it and I like it. I’ve got a permanent smile on my face and a handsome man at my side. Life is beautiful.
In true Rachel style, I made the cheesecake of a lifetime for my Handsome Man’s Valentine’s dessert and forgot to take pictures of it before it was completely enjoyed. So, we will just have to remember that it was indeed epic… and it looked hott too. The recipe came from Smitten Kitchen… one of my all-time favorite food blogs. Brownie Mosaic Cheesecake. Brownie chunks. Ganache. Chocolate crust. Are you melting yet? I am… It was truly amazing. I’ve been holding on to that recipe now for about 2 1/2 years, just waiting for the right occasion and receiver…
As far as school goes, the semester has been pretty light. Math 110 is giving me some adventures to fight through, but it’s still early enough in the semester that I have some time to pull out before I splat down onto the lowest terrace of math purgatory (just a side note- Dante is SO COOL!!). I even did a homework assignment all by myself last week! I feel like a little kid saying that… but life throws wrenches into our gears once in a while… and the moment I exited the birth canal (actually, I was Cesarean, so I guess that doesn’t work), a big fatty wrench was tossed into my mathematical gears and it never left. It’s been my fight my whole life, and I intend to triumph one day.
I decided to suck it up and just go for foot (excuse me, FEET) surgery this summer, after weeks of contemplating postponement. All I want is to be able to run, dance, and play without having to worry about whether or not I will be able to walk the next day. I’m kind of scared. Toughness is in order and I feel like I am pretending here. Oh well.
In closing, an evaluation of my goals for the year:
- I made my bed twice.
- I went to bed before midnight once.
- We have apartment prayer somewhat regularly. sort of.
- We are pretty good about girls night.
- I am engaging in meaningful relationships with friends… aka I HAVE friends and we hang out. I am also enjoying a meaningful dating relationship.
- I am mostly taking care of my feet.
- So far so good with the Spanish practice.
- I am moving forward most excellently.
Looks like I still need to do a little work with a few of those. Perfection is not an overnight deal. I will continue.
[RACHEL]
Filed under: Learning to Love You More | Tags: creativity, paper, poster, shadows
Movie night with the sweetheart was abandoned in favor of an activity that involved a lamp, some paper, a little glue, and a lot of imagination… a poster of shadows. He gets lots of bonus points for participating in and loving this activity. We dug through drawers and picked stuff that looked like it would have an interesting shadow, traced the shadows under the light of the lamp, and then cut them out. There were only a few colors of paper that we were allowed to choose from, and I had a few big sheets of Murano art paper. The only one that qualified was brown, which makes the project all the more awesome, and a little bit of an oddity.
Can you guess?
pencil sharpener
whisk
tape dispenser
pony
t-rex
tape measuerer
napkin holder
gingerbread cookie cutter
[RACHEL]
I decided to get started on my quest of Learning to Love You More. The site does not forbid going out of order so I decided to start with the 70th and last assignment: Say Goodbye.
Goodbye…
- sleep deprivation, you never did me any good.
- facebook chat, i’d rather have a real conversation.
- soda, you’re too sweet to handle.
- vending machines, you’re a trashy rip-off.
- being afraid of being myself, i finally discovered the goodness of being real.
- pink boat shoes, all you ever did was hurt.
- creativity dry spells, it’s time to get inspired.
- old skateboard, it’s time for a new ride to make my own.
[RACHEL]
